Shit has been ridiculous.
Finding out munchkin has been off into whatever her world and issues are. Found out she was doing her own thing. And that she didn't want to have an open relationship in the first place. So I learn that shit years later. wtf I mean we use to kick it when I was in raleigh and stuff. But now I am like there is no reason to put much into that. She has a child. doesn't drive. doesn't have her own place. no money or job. And frankly I am tired of spending all the money and time to see her all the time. and the connection with the red spring monkey pissed me off anyway. I fucking down graded her to someone I fuck. no love. no loss.
All the shit will delzora since last year is higher than mt everest. I mean her ass telling me one thing and rosalyn something else. she claims she wants to get back to how things were. but she needs to stop lying and tripping. from her jealousy about rosayln and I to her saying she wanted to do her own thing. she is lucky I at least still gave a fuck about her enough to not curse her ass out when she said I was being jealous of her. I don't know what game she is playing at all. And when she had me come up there last month to see her when she was with the detroit chick sent me through the roof. having me fucking waiting in the lobby while she is upstair asleep with the detroit chick and her daughter in teh room. That is why I fucked her without any feeling or anything. And then I left and came back. I was completely done then and through. and I told her such. she got all in her feelings about it allegedly. Since then she has been claiming that she is going to do whatever she needs to make it work. but I am yet to see that at all. I have just seen her talking and nothing really backing that up. She didn't do the simple tasks I asked her to do on time. To write me an email that explained what has been going on with her and her crazy actions and thoughts. her uncle supposedly went into the hospital and she couldnt' do that or work on her website like I asked. Then she knows she is supposed to see me within 30 days. and that deadline is coming up on the 25th. See if that happens as well. Plus this thing she still is doing with rosalyn has me pissed as well. Apparently she is claiming me to rosalyn and I am like wtf is that about? when I asked her about if she was claiming me to anyone. her response was that she said we have been play partners and are play partners and we have been swingers. But why say anything to rosalyn if you know that i have been seeing her. I dont know what is twisted in her mind. But I am going to fuck her and abuse her to death if I see her again. For someone I loved she really fucked that up. How the fuck can't you just be real? That shit is just so fucking ridiculous. And even know it is like nothing truely has changed. She will claim that she hasn't had a chance to communicate and everything because of her uncle and gabi getting ready to go to college this weekend. but she mentioned she wanted me to go with her to see a game at gabi's new school one weekend.
I talked to ranell again. i guess I was feeling low. thinking there might be something there again. I guess it was part of this bullshit that rosalyn has been pushing about the gray areas of life and dealing with the fucking humans. She is attractive but she is still fucked up and that is obvious. And after talking to her about love and telling her I don't love her anymore. she said she can't be open with me because I cursed her out and dropped her. I guess she was upset I didn't give her that closure shit. Oh well fuck all that shit. I dropped the interest. I should never have had that moment of weakness but I did and I won't let that happen again. That gray areas shit was tried and fuck all that!
This babygirlprincess chick is the next bitch on the really fucked up list. I thought she was attractive last year at black beat so I flirted a little bit. But since she showed no interest I was like fuck that. rosalyn kept saying she was interested along with the crazy submizzive chick. I told her that was not the case. and when I talked to this chick on fet I found out just how happy I am that she was not interested. whatever shit she has been through has her totally fucked up in the head and soul. She said that I turned her off last year because I was aggressive and desperate. I am like bitch what! I was there with rosalyn, why the fuck would i be desperate for a bitch I didn't know? get the fuck out of here. listening to rosalyn I kept talking to her. she has some twisted, tailor made poly situation that is for her. vanilla guys and whatever together to get her need for attention met by video, phone or whatever. She is not sexual. probably been raped and everything else. we both said we didn't have any interest in each other. she made that we can become friend shit and I laughed at it. I am not being friends with her. we speak on fet. she makes a comment about wanting to cuddle and too bad I am so far away. I told her ass I don't cuddle with those I am not interested in and are not interested in me. And my cuddling includes being sexual. how the fuck are you talking about cuddling with me and you are not interested? that is some fucking psychotic shit. That is what I get for entertaining this bullshit. rosalyn talking about she is evaluating if she wants to change her mind about her interest in me. that shit is irrelevant to me because she is too fucking messed up and crazy.
Which brings me to the other crazy bitch that rosalyn kept talking about wanted to fuck me and interested in me. the crazy submizzive or stephanie chick. She is ill formed. Just wants to flirt and talk shit. when she kept putting her titties on me at black beat last year I was like wtf. Plus wanting me to cuddle with her and sitting on my lap. Umm bitch you got a bunch of rules and a master. stick with that. So I pushed her buttons before she came here and stayed at the house with her supposed to be sub dee and the girl ann. Not only is she crazy. But her health is fucked up right now thoroughly so even more reasons not to deal with her ass. And she had opportunity when dee and ann went to bed the night before they were leaving to do something and no one else would have known. But she was in too much pain and didn't try anything. oh well. Don't give me that interest shit then.
And there is ann. A welcome factor in the visit with crazy submizzive. We fucked and fucked well. One of the first times I fucked downstairs in the living room while the sister and other people were in the house. She seemed to like me and we had a good time. She said that she wanted to come hang out again. I was like yeah. Reality is that I doubt that will happen. She is just now getting out and sowing her oats as they say. Doing a whole lot of traveling all summer. and she has to be back to work teaching next week. So that answers that seeing her again thing. oh well. it was a good time at least. We fucked laughed and talked but i don't chase after nobody. so that is that.
Then there is rosalyn. the person I have been dating over a year now. and I really fucking wonder if we are leading anywhere or this just some fucking stop gap action. yes, as she said she has only been spending time with me. But with wanting us to have a D/s relationship as well as a romantic relationship is taxing. she is so fucking weird it is annoying a lot of times. the fucking thing about not putting our relationship on fet because of people getting in our business has me concerned. is she hiding this from her exes or something because she is tempted to go back to them or something? wtf is going on? she has been in this sensitive ass shit lately where she gets upset and bothered by things. she shuts down and doesn't want to talk or anything. then when I don't talk about it and just make a comment that has the same subject in it then she feels that I am talking about it still. she has said that she doesn't feel me as a dom when we are not together. and she said that she doesn't feel me as a sadist either. so what does she feel or think really? is the only thing she sees me as is a fucking teddy bear? for someone that i fucking fell in love with this is some fucking mess. this is harder than I had to do with Adrienne when we started. why the fuck does she have to give me the right one vibe and feel right? she would be the one that I want a life with but has so many fucking twists and turns that it is just treacherous. So I stopped having feelings for her. or allowing myself to feel or show feelings. and it is a weird limbo of nothing I can say that I have encountered. and she has her mother to take care of so that is an issue and hinderance. or maybe that is the only reason we have been dating is because of that tie. she has told me that she loved me two or three times since. which is a shock because many times she just seems cold. but her twisted ways don't allow for her to flirt with the one she is interested in or anything like that. only with those that she is not interested in. I told you twisted and weird are the basis.
i swear, fucking around and being involved with females is like killing yourself over and over again with nowhere to turn it seems. Even when you find what you want and will work. you have to fucking fight for and against it or just be like fuck it all!
